Write your reality

Happy Friday!

Stories and Reality

I recently read two excellent books, Storyworthy and Loving What Is. Even though they’re about different topics, there’s an interesting conflict between them.

One of my takeaways from Storyworthy was that crafting stories can help the storyteller make sense of their world. When something happens to them they can’t explain or find a purpose in, storytellers can use their stories to create meaning where none existed.

Loving What Is encourages us, instead, to accept reality without embellishing it. Even those of us who aren’t storytellers create stories about our lives, without meaning to. If we’re not careful, we believe the stories we tell ourselves. And if those stories don’t reflect reality, we suffer.

In the context of each book, both those points are true. But let’s look through the “productivity lens” and explore the conflict we see.

The Hero’s Journey (or lack thereof)

Ever felt unmotivated? I bet your first reaction was to berate yourself. “Why am I not more disciplined?” or “Where is my willpower?!” We’ve all been there. But why do we always blame ourselves first? Why do we look for evils inside us to explain our procrastination?

Because of the stories we tell ourselves... about ourselves. I’m the world’s protagonist, didn’t you know? Every story is about me. Everyone else exists only as far as they relate to me. I’m the hero.

Taken one way, that sounds like narcissism. But there’s another perspective: If I’m the hero, why can’t I get up off the couch and get some damn work done? Why do I leave dishes stacked and dirty in the sink? Why do I play video games instead of fixing the toilet that doesn’t flush right? If Superman’s alter ego is Clark Kent, mine must be a sloth—one that’s particularly slow and dimwitted, even among sloths.

We compare the real version of ourselves to our hero version, who is perfect, highly-motivated, and disciplined. Bad news: we are never going to win that comparison!

What’s worse, we plan for the hero. When I sketch out tomorrow, I think I’m Superman. The problem is, tomorrow is Kryptonite.

When you plan tomorrow, then, remember the Hero’s Journey. You’re probably going to refuse the call to adventure. You’ll need a mentor figure to guide you. Thankfully, you can be the mentor and author all rolled up into one.

💡 Write your real story 💡

👆 That’s your weekend upgrade.

I’m a writer. And as a writer, plans are essential. Very few writers dive into a story without at least some idea where they’re going. And writers who do dive in use the draft as a form of planning—they know what they write will need many revisions before it’s ready to publish.

But even writers who plan thoroughly are surprised by the things their characters say and do. Our plans set us in motion, but they don’t steal all pleasure and surprise. The opposite is true. Plans give us the freedom to explore.

Even if nothing you’ve ever done has gone according to plan, plan anyway. Because what’s real—what happens in the actual moment—is always a surprise. If you took the time to plan, you’ll be equipped to deal with it.

The critical part is this: don’t hate yourself when your plans don’t materialize exactly as you wanted. There’s your story, and then there’s reality. You’re not a superhero. Reality always wins. Accept that.

“If my plans never match reality,“ you ask, ”what’s the point??” We may never match reality, but we can approach it, and that’s where Tools for Thought can help.

How can Tools for Thought help?

If you’re new to the Weekend Upgrade newsletter, I explore how processes can be created in Tools for Thought (TfTs). TfTs are apps optimized for linking your ideas, thoughts, notes, etc.—apps like Roam Research, Amplenote, Logseq, Obsidian, and Craft.

Your favorite Tool for Thought will give you two points of leverage here:

(1) It’s easy to compare what you planned to what really happened.

(2) It’s a good place to write about the roadblocks you’re facing and how you can work through them.

(1) Planning vs. Reality = Agenda & Log

When I compare what I planned to what really happened, I use my Agenda and Log. My Agenda is the checklist of what I plan for the day. My Log is the checklist of reality—what actually happened.

Over time, if you’re intentional about reviewing your Agenda and Log, you’ll get accustomed to what reality looks like for you and learn to plan accordingly. Soon you’ll be able to plan for the real you, not some mythical hero.

(2) Journaling from roadblocks to reality

In the past, we’ve seen that our intentions almost never match what really happens. So it’s hard to plan a day that we know will fall short of our expectations.

Journaling through that roadblock can help you accept reality. Write about your challenges: What did you plan to do yesterday? What did you really do? Were any of the deviations preventable? What habits or behaviors led to the differences between your plan and reality? What external factors derailed you? How can you adapt to the deviations, behaviors, or external factors so your next plan more nearly matches reality?

Do this without judging yourself harshly. Plans never work perfectly, and everyone faces their own set of challenges. All you’re aiming to do is better understand what’s realistic for you.

Accepting reality

Because when you accept reality, two things happen. One, you let go of your false expectations and the dread that comes along with them. And two, you lay plans that are nearer to what you can realistically accomplish.

There’s another layer, too: the more you accept the limitations of reality, the less those limitations get in your way. Working in alignment with reality helps you get more done.

Our stories give us a sense of meaning, but we allow the stories to mislead us when we picture ourselves as a hero. Write your story to reflect what’s real, and let your intentions follow that. You’ll be amazed what you accomplish!

What do I do next?

(1) Take 2 minutes and answer this question: What’s one thing I learned in this newsletter that I can put into practice right away?

By committing to a specific action, you make it much more likely you’ll do it.

(2) Set your intentions for tomorrow, and then track what you actually do. Afterward, review the results—without judgment!

Keep doing that for a week and you’ll begin to discover what your reality is.

If this was valuable for you:

Share the newsletter with someone you think would also get value from it! https://rjn.st/weekend-upgrade-newsletters

Until next time, friends:

Reality bites, but our stories bite harder. Get real!

R.J.
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